The First Five Dates
by itsawitch
Summary: The Doctor takes River out on their first five dates as husband and wife.
1. Chapter 1

The Doctor had neglected to recognize the weather of his perfect first-date spot. While the stars shone so brightly a person could read by it, River stood in her tank top, goosebumps alight on her skin and a shiver on her lips. The Doctor, clad in a tuxedo, wasn't the warmest he'd ever been, but perhaps he'd been short-sighted. Who would have guessed that on top of a 400 foot tree, on the tip-top of the North-side of a mountain, in the middle of the planet's own Atlantic Ocean, that it would be so cold?

River was looking rather blue, now that he thought about it.

"You were right. It is magic."

Her bouncy curls were a bit deflated in the new atmosphere, which added an unsightly two and a half extra pounds, the Doctor mused as he messed with his tie and pursed his lips. Gravity, always just a tiny bit different than one was expecting.

"Are you cold, River?"

"No. Of course not."

"You're lying," he said, and reacting to his cheesy grin, River laughed, throwing her head back. Her skin was white in the light of the stars, the blood rushing to her hearts and inner organs, conserving heat as she edged closer and closer to hypothermia.

The Doctor took a step closer to her, and she leaned into his shoulder and heat in response. He supposed he could get her a shawl. He would get her a shawl. She needed a shawl. A good husband would get his hypothermic wife a shawl.

"Would you like a shawl, River?"

"Now, why would you want to do that when you could warm me up yourself?"

Flustered and rambling, the Doctor made numerous f-sounds and motorboated his lips has he snapped his fingers and slipped into the TARDIS. River turned back and looked at the sky, before looking down at the water. A light blue that was slowly darkening as time passed, the sky turning into night in only a few seconds as the planet turned on its axis.

"Oh bugger, I missed the finale."

River turned around to see the Doctor standing with a fuzzy jumper, scarf, and winter jacket in his hands. He handed them to her and smiled, waiting for her to express her pleasure like a puppy who just got a new toy.

"You're quite excited, aren't you?" River smiled, pushing her thumbs into the plush yarn of the knitted sweater, bunching it in her hands.

"I made it myself. Knitted it and everything," the Doctor grinned from ear-to-ear, all but bouncing up and down. River could only laugh and roll her eyes as she slid the sweater on. Too big in the bust area, too small in the waist area, typical of men. But she wouldn't ruin his fun, not this early in the date. Wrapping the scarf around her neck and slipping the jacket onto her shoulders, she felt her skin sting as blood rose back to the surface.

Dipping her nose into the scarf to warm her face, her blue eyes looked up from under her lashes and twinkled. Her nose went from the sickly pale color it has been turning to a bright pink as blood began circulating. The Doctor smiled softly and took a step closer.

One hand on her shoulder, leaning in just enough to brush the tips of their nose together in an Eskimo-kiss.

"It's much too cold to kiss normally. Our lips would freeze together," the mist of his breath was stark white against the dark sky. River fluttered her eyes closed.

"It's rather dark out, wouldn't you say?"

Her eyes snapped open, as the Doctor strode to the other end of the viewing balcony.

"It's night time, Doctor."

"Ah, you see," the Doctor hissed against his teeth, pointing at her with pistol-hands, "I rather don't like you calling me that. Too formal."

Her hands went to her hips, her mouth open in shock, "Excuse me, sir? I'm not even allowed to call you by your name anymore?"

"No," the Doctor clapped his hands together, took two long strides toward her, "You may call me 'Sweetie.'" Then he kissed her forehead. "Now, why is it so dark?"

"Because it's nighttime."

"Oh River, how long do I have to wait until you're clever?"

She scoffed as the Doctor paced back and forth, undoing his bowtie before pursing his lips, "It's getting warmer, isn't it?"

"No. It's freezing out."

"No, River, it was freezing out. But now it's not."

"You're going mad, sweetie."

The Doctor made an _ah-ha_ at her term of endearment before thinking back and pacing, "I'm nearly sweating. How are you not sweating?"

River placed her hand to her forehead, wanting to shake it as his stupidity, but instead finding her forehead beginning to dampen. Now that she thought about it, the scarf around her neck was awfully much. As was the jacket. And perhaps the jumper.

"Why is it so hot?"

"Now you're feeling it! A shame it took you so long. We'll have to work on that?"

River was in the process of stripping from her winter clothes as the heat front came upon them in waves and waves. It had jumped from well below freezing to at least 29.5C. River's ringlets were beginning to stick to her forehead, while the Doctor's cowlick was beginning to stick out at random directions.

"Doctor, what's happening?"

"We'll have to see, won't we?" Then he started to walk to the TARDIS, holding open the door for her as she ran in with her pile of winter clothing in her arms. The cool, comfortable air of the TARDIS was so welcome; she nearly collapsed to the ground in relief.

"I keep forgetting, you know, that you're not the River Song I'm used to. You're so young!"

"I'm not too, young, sweetie."

The Doctor ducked his head down to look at the controls while he grinned and blushed. A little less experienced, but definitely the River he'd been falling head-over-heels for. The blond curls and the red mouth. Bringing about the end of time itself for nothing but the love she could hold in her little chest.

And it was with great pride he took to be the fact that she was already far gone to loving him.

And great pride that they would take their first adventure together, with her as his only companion.

A life companion. A wife.

"Now, River, tell me. Why was the sky getting so dark, so quickly?"

"The ocean was evaporating."

"Clever girl! Clever girl!" He ruffled her curls and she pulled back with a scowl. But he laughed anyway. "Now, who would want to evaporate an entire ocean?"

"Is there anything living in there?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes, "Oh, River, of course there's things living in an ocean. My girl, you have so much to learn and-"

He cut off. She was so close to him it was like the air was on fire. His breath caught as he looked pointedly at her nose, instead of her eyes, or her mouth, or her cleavage.

"I," she murmured, grabbing one of his hands, "am not," she grabbed the other one, "a child." And then, she threw both his hands down on the console before stepping back, obviously tiffed. She began running an environmental check on the planet, letting the TARDIS fill her in while the Doctor pouted on the other side.

"All this planet is known for is some good chips. What could they possibly want with the ocean? Sea salt? Sea potatoes? Is there a such thing as sea potatoes?"

River poked her head out from the other side of the console, "Just chips? No fish?"

The Doctor had his mouth gaping open for a second before breaking into a smile. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her forehead, "Yes. No fish."

She tried to shake away from him, thinking he was mocking her, but all she got was more kisses until her forehead had a big wet spot on it.

"Oh, you. I always thought you'd be the kind of person who loves kissies."

"Doctor!"

"Sweetie," he corrected her.

"We have more important things to do."

"Funny, how the roles switch the more romantic I try to be."

River smiled, "You're an awful romantic. You're lucky I'm already in love with you."

The Doctor smirked and then turned on his heel, pointing at a screen, "Now, see, the humans, or humanoids, or whatever they're called on this planet, I can't keep track of them all, they fail to notice that they're committing actual genocide in their own waters. They're looking for cod. What they'll find are the Paravores. Nasty, smart, demon looking fish-people who will be quite unhappy to realize that they've been targeted for dinner."

River Song looked almost completely uninterested, but he caught the flush of excitement highlighting her cheeks.

"Might as well stop a war before it starts, eh River?"

"You're feeling a bit daring with time today, aren't you?"

"Only at night," The Doctor looked her over, from toes to the tips of her curls and back down again, "I'm feeling daring about a lot of things tonight."

"Oh stop, Doctor, you're going to make me blush."

"How far do you blush, River? Just your cheeks? Just your ears? Or right down to your-"

Their flirtation was cut off as the TARDIS shifted back and forth. River stumbled and grabbed the railing in a vice grip. The Doctor jerked forward, pulling down a lever in his haste. Cursing, he shoved it back to its original place and looked around to see if anyone had noticed.

"Doctor, what was that?"

"It seems the tree we're on is shifting back and forth. Or perhaps the mountain. Come, River. It seems we have some investigating to do outside."

Her combat boots stomped after his leather-soled shoes as they looked outside. The air was hot and humid, frizzing River's hair out like a pom-pom. The Doctor took careful steps and looked over the edge of the balcony. He tsk'd, and looked back at River.

"The waterline has gone down. By a lot."

"Of the entire ocean? Sweetie, that's impossible."

"Oh nothing's impossible. But it's not what happened. They've blocked off a perimeter over the surrounding, oh," The Doctor waved his sonic in the air, "Twenty miles. A twenty mile radius, actually, sorry. Still quite a bit of water. And I'm willing to bet there's a whole host of angry fish down there that are-"

The mountain shook again, and the balcony's railing crashed away, falling into the ocean.

"Rearing to make themselves known," the Doctor mused.

"Can we go under the water? Or at least, in the spaceship that's evaporating it all?"

"Sure we can! Back in the TARDIS, my girl."

* * *

><p>The deck of the Bajoran spaceship, Chips Galore © was quite nice. Filled with pleasant aromas and chittering people, they were quite friendly when the Doctor and River popped their heads out.<p>

"Hello. Would you like some chips?"

The welcoming crew had buckets of fries in their hands, holding them out.

"No thank you. It was much too hard to get to this dress size," River said, smiling. The Doctor rolled his eyes.

"River, you are much too shallow. Perhaps I like the larger variety of women."

"Is that why you chose my mother? The little stringbean that she is?" River grinned and the

Doctor mirrored it. They looked into each other's eyes.

The welcoming crew cleared their throats.

"Yes, yes. Back to business, shall we? Where is your captain? Captain Adami, is it?"

"Yes, Captain Adami! Nice to finally meet you. You ruined my honeymoon!" Despite the words, the Doctor hugged the man close to him, taking a few sniffs. "You've been eating a lot of fish. Why have you been doing that? You just started evaporating the ocean." The Doctor sniffed around a while more, looking at all of the crew, "You all reek of deep fried fish. Beer batter. Rather low quality, to be perfectly honest."

River looked around, finding a window and looking down. She made a gasp, turning to the captain, "Captain, what day is it?"

The captain looked surprised, "Why, it's October 7th, 2360."

The Doctor swallowed, turning pale as he turned around to a seething, mad River. "Now River, this isn't my fault. You're rubbish with the TARDIS."

"Rubbish?" she screeched, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him back and forth, "You arrived _two weeks late._ All those people down there, d_ead._ All because you won't let me, for some unknown reason, drive the TARDIS. We could've saved them."

"Saved who?" Captain Adami interrupted, his brows furrowed. "There weren't any people down there. Just some cod."

"Cod fish?" the Doctor blinked, "Why, their migratory patterns branch a bit further than I realized. What do you mean you didn't see any people? Well, they look more like merpeople, but without the seduction and death."

"The only things we found was a large school of cod. And is our beer batter really that low of quality?"

"Yes. Awful. But I felt them hitting the mountain," the Doctor mused pacing back and forth,

"River, we need to get back on the TARDIS and do a scan of the mountain. Find whatever we can." And with that, he took off in a brisk walk, River right on his heels.

"I'm going to be doing the scanning. I don't trust you with that old girl."

* * *

><p>"Oh they're clever. Clever, clever, clever fish," River mused, doing a few more scans. "There must be five hundred of Paravores in the mountain. They've hollowed it out and filled it with enough water to survive until the ship stopped evaporating in order to net the cod." Her fingers clicked on the keyboard while the Doctor stood by the railing, making sure she could see his reflection in the screen. Then he pouted.<p>

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop pouting. You're doing it on purpose."

"I can't help it. I'm usually the clever one. I'm usually the one that does all of this fun, quirky stuff while everyone looks at me like I'm some sort of-"

"Alien?"

"I was going for super hero," the Doctor grinned, brushing his hair back and trying to look as dashing as possible when River looked over her shoulder and smiled. She shook her head and laughed, going back to her work.

"Do you want me to set up communications with them? They seem to have a transmitter in the mountain. Doctor, are these the only Paravores left, or is it simply a colony?"

The Doctor looked at his nails, "They're the only ones. Only just recently evolved to this high of a lifeform, within the last five hundred years or so. Amphibians evolve so fast," the Doctor bit at a hangnail, "They breed quickly, though. In a hundred years, they'll have enough forces to start sinking the Bajoran fishing and commerce ships. Followed by the Bajoran Navy. Setting up a nice little civil war, that ends with, oh, I'll take you to the parade someday." The Doctor grinned, "Or, perhaps, the final battle. I'd hate to give you too much of a head-start. Wars are so much better when you don't know who's going to win."

River frowned, "I thought you didn't like wars."

The Doctor shrugged, looking directly into her eyes, "Wars are very important for the furthering of civilizations. Heroes rise up and lead their sides to glory and advancements that take too long under peaceful conditions. Wars are the worst, and best, part of self-awareness."

River gave a weak smile, "I would think that the best and worst part of self-awareness is love."

The Doctor didn't have time to answer when Captain Adami entered the TARDIS through the open doors. "Doctor? You said to come in after half an hour."

"Yes, sit down," the Doctor said, "We have a bit of damage control to do."

* * *

><p>The leader of the Paravores, Fredigcha, or Fred for convenience, was a disgusting and vile creature. Barely evolved up from a cross between a salamander and a swordfish, he had horns all around his scalp and small black eyes with red pupils. The Doctor had been charming enough to convince Fred to talk to Captain Adami, while River walked out of view and shuddered. Ugly and with an awful, croaking voice, perhaps a mountain was where they ought to stay. But she wouldn't say anything so worthy of the Doctor's disapproval.<p>

"River, are you alright?" he whispered, walking out of view of the telescreen while the two leaders began to work out what had happened. It was going quite swimmingly, if he did say so himself. Calderon Beta had several large oceans, being four times the size of Earth. There were plenty more places for the Bajorans to fish. This was going to be a piece of cake.

"I've never seen anything like that before. It's so unlike a human, I can't even really-"

"Comprehend it. Yes, I understand. Travelling across space and time gets a little weird. Things that don't resemble humans in the slightest, crawling around on three legs with eight tongues that can see ultraviolet light and-"

"I get it!" River gave a small smile, pink coloring her cheeks, "It's just very new to me, is all."

"We have a while to work on that, my dear. Don't worry about it too much," and he kissed the top of her head.

"Yes. I suppose we have forever, don't we?"

The Doctor's smile faltered just a second, but long enough for River's eyes to see it. Her own smile fell as she searched his face. He cleared his throat and walked out of her reach, back to where Adami and Fred were speaking.

"Have we come to an agreement, sirs?"

Fred nodded, slime coming off of his face in sheets of gel, "The Bajorans will leave the Northern Ocean and fish where the haddock are."

"Haddock? The haddock migrated all the way over here as well? Well, life certainly finds a way, am I right?" The Doctor slapped his hand on Captain Adami's back, a large smile on his face as he looked back and forth between the two men. "Now, off you go, I have a wife to entertain."

* * *

><p>"That was so easy, I'm almost disappointed," the Doctor said, wiping his hands off. River was in the wardrobe, looking through a plethora of clothing, occasionally making a squeal or a, "Yes, I'll have to try this."<p>

"River, are you nearly done down there?" the Doctor leaned over the railing, watching her shadow as it grew larger while she walked up the corridor. Her footsteps clacked, and he pursed his lips. She was wearing heels. Why would she be wearing heels?

A nicely tanned leg, probably from so many years of archaeology work, peeked out from around the corner of the doorway. Red heels made them go on forever, and he could practically see her smiling through the wall.

"Oh dear, perhaps it was a bit more dangerous than I remember. All that's left is your leg!"

Her laugh filled the control room and send shivers up his spine. She walked out from behind the wall, twirling around carefully, to make sure and not twist her ankle.

"Happy honeymoon, sweetie."

For someone who had known him for such a short time, after all, they'd just gotten married, she hadn't even written anything in her diary yet!, she certainly knew how to press his buttons. Just a shirt that was a long enough to cover up _most_ of her panties, and _just_ thin enough that he could make out the shade difference where she was wearing, he assumed, a black bra.

Oh, the TARDIS and River were in cahoots.

Her curls were tied up loosely in a bun and she had applied a new layer of red lipstick that matched the shade of her shoes. Where had he seen those shoes before? The Byzantium?

She didn't give him enough time to sort out his thoughts or get too sad over their second meeting, because she was too close, too fast. Crowding up his space until he felt himself hit the console, she grinned, "Hello, Benjamin."

He flushed red and jerked away to the side, hitting random levers and buttons as he went. He regretted it instantly when he saw her eyes look down, her expression changing from seductive to rejected, and her cheeks flush red with embarrassment.

Oh God, he was so rubbish at this.

"You look wonderful. I'd hate to think you're dressing like this for the guards at Stormcage. Or else, well, I'll have to think about making a career change."

River looked up, surprised as the Doctor took a couple more steps to her, running his hands along her arms. He bit his lower lip and grinned as her arms rose up with goosebumps. Her eyes looked right into his and he felt that embarrassing blush light up his cheeks, so he ducked his head down, letting his hair block her view of his face.

"Doctor, you're acting like you're seventeen."

The Doctor exhaled slowly, leaning in and kissing the curve of her neck. River felt her breath catch in her throat, her heart rate picking up, her hands gripping his shirt as he kissed the same spot over and over, before trailing up her neck to below her ear.

A little curl tickled his nose and he sneezed.

Oh God, he really was rubbish at this.

Like she was answering his question, River began to giggle. And then chuckle. And then laugh. Loud and joyous, she laughed until she was out of breath. The Doctor joined in after a few seconds, until they were wrapped up in each other's arms, giggling and panting.

"Oh Doctor, maybe not tonight," River kissed the collar of his shirt, leaving a red lip-print before kissing his neck. She mused how long it would be before he noticed that she'd marked him up.

The Doctor clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, pulling River down on the floor with him, where she laid by his side, a hand on his chest, listening to half of his heartbeat. "That's a shame, I'm quite good, from what I hear."

"Well, you'll get to rock my world some over time," River murmured, and kissed his cheek, leaving another lip print. The Doctor turned his head to the side and smiled encouragingly at her. His cheeks were just a little pink, he couldn't help it. Too much emotion and blood flow at once. He also couldn't wait too much longer.

So he kissed her first. Despite their clothing and rather compromising position, it was just a simple kiss. No wandering hands, well, maybe hers were wandering a bit too much, but he didn't expect any different from River.

They laid there for a while, just long, slow kisses, until the TARDIS began to make a low humming, an alarm that the Doctor had set up for when either Rory or Amy were about to wake up.

"Your parents are awake. I need to get you back to your cage," the Doctor mimicked River's pout before standing up, fixing his bowtie and running a hand through his ruffled hair.

He looked rather ridiculous with so much lipstick smudged on his lips, cheeks, forehead, and neck. But River wasn't going to tell. Instead she threw his jacket over her shoulders as she watched her husband throw random levers and press buttons. Perhaps she should help him before they landed up two weeks in the future, again, and she'd be in a large amount of trouble.

But the TARDIS began to wheeze as it landed and River studied the read-outs on the screen. It looked right. She was at the right place. What a miracle!

"I'll come back, tomorrow," the Doctor said, leaning against the TARDIS and smiling. River was making the goofiest grin every time she caught a glance at his face, and it made him smile ear-to-ear.

"Make sure. I'll be oh so disappointed if you're not here on time. I'm not like my mother, I don't wait very well. If you aren't here by at least midnight, I'll be out of here, looking for you myself."

The Doctor winked, "I'll wear your parents out. Maybe a hike in the Sahara Desert and fight a giant scorpion. They'll be asleep by nine o'clock, and I'll come and get you."

"Don't disappoint me, sweetie," River walked up to him, her arms wrapped around his neck as she smiled. He mirrored the smile.

"I won't. I promise. Now, make sure you write down everything in your diary. We'll synch them up when I get back."

"But I'll only have one entry."

"Yes, but I'll have many, many more."

Her eyebrows lowered and she pursed her lips together, "How often have you seen me, already?"

"Spoilers."

River smiled and gave him a short kiss on the lips, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

River was still painting her toes a nice shade of purple when she heard the familiar wheezing of the TARDIS begin to echo in the hallway. She checked her watch. 20:30. He was a half hour early. He was never, ever, early.

She heard his shoes tapping on the floor of the corridor, and suddenly, he was there. Right there. Watching her paint her toe nails. She flushed.

"Well, River, I'd assumed you'd be ready for me. This is the right day, yes?"

"You are half an hour early."

The Doctor checked his watch and frowned, tapping the clock face, "Yes, I suppose you're right. Perhaps I got a bit antsy. It gets awful trying to wait a full twenty four hours to see you."

"It would've only been sixteen!" River grabbed a towel and started rubbing it through her hair, getting out the excess moisture from her shower. There were only half the toes on her left foot left to paint, and she figured they could wait. But they still needed to dry. "What did you do to get my parents asleep so early?"

"We went hiking in the Sahara Desert, climbed an Egyptian pyramid, and I crushed tons of Benadryl into their food. Oh, don't give me that look."

River stared at him with her mouth open, "You drugged my parents?"

"It was just Benadryl. And a tiny bit of Nyquil. Honestly, they were acting far too awake, they were going to need sleep," the Doctor crossed his arms, looking miffed. "You should be flattered."

"You are insane, sweetie." And with that, River flipped her hair and finished the last toenail, screwing the bottle of nail polish shut. The Doctor walked around her cell, making a few clicks with his tongue. "Where will we be going for our second date, Doctor?"

"Oh, where else? We're going to be getting totally and completely pissed."

River laughed as she started applying her make up in the mirror. "You don't even like alcohol. Couldn't even take a sip of wine."

"I'm not a fan of wine. Wine is awful. However, moonshine is divine," the Doctor found a feather boa in River's tiny closet and wrapped it around his neck, "Do you have any sunglasses to go with this ensemble?"

River rolled her eyes and popped the top off of her tube of lipstick, twisting it up until the Doctor grabbed it out of her hand. "What do you think you are doing, Doctor?"

"Sweetie. Call me sweetie. And you are not putting on lipstick. The last time you did that, I looked like a royal fool in front of your parents, and the TARDIS does awful laundry. Not a single detergent with stain-fighting power. My shirt is going to be stuck with that lip print until I burn it in a super nova."

River pouted, "Oh, you're planning on burning it? That's rather mean for you, Doctor. I thought you'd keep it in case you didn't mind having a shirt ripped. Or even covered in more lipstick." She winked at him, turning back to her mirror and fluffing her curls a bit. Her eyes met his reflection in the mirror. He was grinning. He put his hands on her shoulders, his thumbs pressing firmly on her shoulder blades.

"I know you mustn't like America. Bad memories. Utah and the spaceman and the alleyways of Miami. But we won't go there. We'll go somewhere more adventurous." River leaned into his hands, her eyes closed.

"Doctor, are you drugging me like you drugged my parents?"

He smirked, "Only if you let me."

The Doctor let the TARDIS float in space while he and River got ready. There were so many wardrobes in the ship, it was hard to keep track. Luckily, the one full of men's clothes had exactly what he needed up front, a three-piece pinstripe suit, a cigar, and a fedora. Grabbing a navy tie, he tied it into a little bow and blew a kiss to himself in the mirror. He looked rather dashing. Perhaps dashing enough to get the blushing bride River Song to accompany him in the Charleston.

He bit the cigar and winked in the mirror before walking out. "Oy, River! Are you done yet?"

"You're one to talk, you were in there for a full twenty minutes. I had to put on a garter and stockings. You just had to pull on some pants." River leaned against the console, a big grin on her face. The Doctor noticed that she'd found some red lipstick while changing. Oh, she was a clever girl.

She had a long, brown, wool coat on that went down to about her knees, with fur lining the collar. A light blue dress with a black belt cinched right her waist, and a hemline that stopped just below her knees. And her stocking-clad feet in a pair of clunky, brown heels. She looked almost period appropriate, if she wasn't eyeing him up-and-down and licking her lips.

"What a shame. You put all that time into painting those toes of yours, and now you have to cover them up in those heels," the Doctor teased, pulling up close to her. River looked up at him through her lashes and grinned.

"What a shame. You look so charming in that fedora, I can't bring myself to shoot it off your head."

The Doctor grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, before leaning in close. Her eyes fluttered closed as the Doctor pushed her into the console to pull a lever. Then he pulled away and tried not to laugh at her angered expression.

"Yes, thank you, for not ruining another great piece of head gear. Now, my wonderful girls," he smirked when the TARDIS hummed her approval, "let's get something to drink, alright?" And he slammed his hand on a tiny, red button.

* * *

><p>The streets of New York City were still quite busy, even in 1927 and closing in on ten o'clock. The Doctor's hand was wrapped tightly around River's, which were wrapped up in a pair of warm leather gloves. It was January 15th, and it was just about to snow. The crowd passed by with breaths of white smoke. Tobacco and the sting of cold invaded their nostrils as the Doctor weaved in and out of streets until they were in an alleyway, and he gave four, quick raps on a door.<p>

A section slid open, and a pair of eyes looked at them through the window, "Invitation?"

The Doctor held up his psychic paper and gave a goofy smile. The guard's eyes shifted to River, who gave a wink. The shutter closed and the door opened, showing a room cloaked in smoke, jazz, and laughter. The Doctor grabbed at River's hand, bringing her through and weaving through the crowd.

River made small coughs, not used to the smoke, "How can you breathe in here?" she rasped.

"Oh right. I keep forgetting how far in the future you're from. I doubt anyone smokes in the fiftieth century. I, however, got my first companion on Earth in the 60's. Everyone smoked. She always smoked. I, myself, could never turn away a good cigar." He winked and put a cigar in his mouth, not lighting it. He swaggered up to the bar and called the bartender over.

"Can I get a nice glass of hooch for my dame and myself?" He gave a stupid grin at the bartender while River rolled her eyes and looked around the bar. The roaring '20's. The speakeasy was filled with upper and middle class men and women, along with the handful of flappers who were smoking their small stubs of cigarettes through their cigarette holders. A few of the older women looked somewhat scandalized as a woman with pants walked by, and a rather drunk man in a skirt giggled and waved at her in the corner.

River pursed her lips.

"Here you go! Don't burn your throat out, eh?" The Doctor grinned and took a swig of the amber liquid that quarter-way filled his glass. He coughed and cleared his throat, blinking a couple tears away. "Whew, I forgot how much that hurts." Then he took another swig.

River took a sniff at the hooch and scrunched up her nose, "This stuff isn't drinkable!"

"It's perfectly. It just burns a bit. Made in a shed in, hrm," he took another sip, "Southern Maine. Oh, bless their hearts. Working with their backs against the wall against a dry government, for the good of the American people." He winked at her and leaned in close, and she could smell the tiniest bit of liquor on his breath, "And bless those good cops who refuse bribes."

River scrunched up her eyebrows, "What are you talking about."

"Nothing, my dear girl. Now, put your drink on the bar, let's do a little dancing. It's been a while since I've done a Charleston."

* * *

><p>She simply could not keep up to the girls in their beaded minidresses, her own skirt being a tad constricting, and soon she was off dancing with another man while the Doctor glared at the back of his head. River had taken to glaring at the cute little woman who had managed to seduce the Doctor with her promise of new dance moves. She did have some great moves, at one point, the Doctor swung her underneath his legs, but it still left River with a bad taste in her throat.<p>

"My name's Violet. What's your name, handsome?" her New York accent was quite endearing, the Doctor had to admit. He always got quite endeared to new things.

"Violet. What a pretty name. I'm the Doctor."

"Oh Doctor," Violet smiled at him through her red lips and heavily rouged cheeks. She hopped along with his steps and he twirled her around. Her beaded dress clattered against itself as she twirled in close to him before he twirled her back out, stepping behind her. They walked forward and backwards together, dipping forward. He'd forgotten how many steps there were to this whole dancing craze. Honestly.

Thankfully the music changed, allowing him to catch his breath and focus on more than not stepping on her feet. Violet seemed less pouted as they began to step side-to-side, going back and forth in small circles.

"My my," she murmured, "It's not often that I know someone who knows The Baltimore. Are you some sort of secret dance professional?" She batted her eyelids, "Or do you just get happy feet when you get a little drunk?"

The Doctor grinned and chuckled, looking up to see how his own date was faring. A man in his late thirties was currently holding her a tad too close as they chatted amiably. They moved in a small circle, and he grew just the tiniest bit jealous when her head fell back and she laughed.

When the music picked up again, he let Violet take the lead. Half of his mind was on the dance steps, the other half being how River fared with her strange dance partner.

Frank had been a wonderful gentleman as he danced with her. No awkward kicking in her too-long skirt, just quick steps that she could keep up to. He had a great smile, and his rough voice made her feel like he was safe, someone he could trust. And he had the prettiest blue eyes she had ever seen. That was probably why the bartender referred to him as Old Blue Eyes.

He seemed to know the song as well as he knew how to dance, because when the trombone and saxophone took off, her lifted her in the air in a tiny twirl until she was overcome with giggles. She knew she was blushing. She never went to bars during university, and rarely had anyone flirt with her except the Doctor. And she knew how he flirted, inside and out.

This was new. She liked it.

She also liked, when occasionally she ripped her attention from Frank and his hilarious stories, the glare the Doctor gave Frank inbetween grins and goofy commentary with the tiny flapper. Really, the girl dancing with the Doctor was the further from River as she could be. Short and petite, with chopped, straight, brown hair. And she was so cute.

River liked to think she was sexier. The next time the Doctor looked up, she gave a wink. He blushed.

The music wore on, and both the Doctor and River found new dancing partners. Drinking more and more hooch as they went on, when they finally found each other, they were both maybe just the tiniest bit drunk.

And the Doctor could not handle his liquor.

He leaned in to kiss her more often than she could count as the band went through their final song of the night. A nice, slow song. She managed to dodge each one. Really, a drunk Doctor was a bit less appealing than one might think. He got just the tiniest bit more loud, the tiniest bit bolder in his actions, and was the tiniest bit making a fool of himself.

A good amount of patrons were beginning to order orange juice from the bar before heading off. The Doctor had nothing to worry about, he kept telling her inbetween sips, the TARDIS wouldn't crash. He could drink as much as he wanted.

To be honest, she was enjoying it. Resting her cheek on his shoulder, she giggled as his words began to edge together. It took a lot to get him drunk, she had to admit, but once he was drunk, he was just sloshed.

"And then the, those little people! In a robot! I shtill, shtill, still can't believe it. I can't believe people bought that. It's almost as interesting as that time when the Georgenia's on Keplecta Six did their whole moon dance thing and the forests shift over four meters to the right and then shuffle to the left and jump three times. And then they clap their branches!"

"You aren't making sense, sweetie. You're drunk."

"Oh, come here, you," and he grabbed her face in his hands and giving her a kiss. Despite the alcohol she could easily taste on his lips, he was gentler than she expected. She was just about to let herself kiss him back when she became aware of something. His back had stiffened, and he'd stopped swaying with the music. She opened one eye and saw his eyes were wide open, but not looking at her. She pulled away.

"What's wrong?" River whispered, turning to where the Doctor was looking. He looked a lot more sober. So sober, in fact, that she had the sinking suspicion he'd faked being intoxicated this entire time. Oh, she hated him.

"Well. The NYPD are here. Are they called the NYPD yet? Well, the coppers are here." He grinned like a child who just got a king size candy bar, "Oh, I knew this would be exciting." He jerked out of her hold, grabbing her hand and briskly walking to the back wall of the bar, waving his sonic around, while occasionally looking back at the entrance.

"River, can you watch the door? And the bartender. Oop, nevermind." The Doctor opened a door that had been hidden and pulled her in with him, closing the door. As soon as it snapped shut, they heard the police enter and the commotion that came with such things. A few yells, a few bottles breaking, and a few people being arrested. River sat down on the floor, slipping her feet out of her clunky heels, and rubbing her sore feet.

"I'm not used to wearing heels, I'll be honest with you. Much less dancing with them."

"It can't be too hard. Violet danced with them so easily. And she was doing much more complicated dancing than you were." The Doctor ignored River's glare as he began to sonic his way around the secret room, running it along the wooden walls. "I can't get a single reading. The sonic is rubbish with wood."

"It doesn't work on wood?" she hissed, and kicked at his lower calf, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Did you not have trees on Gallifrey?"

"Our trees were different. Why does Earth even have wood? It catches on fire so ea-" a loud banging on the wall cut him off, and they both looked at the hidden door, waiting for it to slide open and break their cover. River held her breath, looking at the Doctor with wide eyes. She looked angry.

"You knew this was going to happen," she breathed, and the Doctor put a finger to his lips, trying to shh her. She kept whispering, "You knew this was going to happen and you did it anyway. What is this, a game to you?"

The Doctor grinned at her and got on his knees to whisper in her ear, "No. But it is very fun."

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><p>They waited in the hidden room for two hours while the police cleared out the liquor and taped off the premises, with River glaring at the Doctor for most of the time. The rest of the time was spent massaging her feet. They were well calloused from her studies at the Lunar Academy, but the constant weight on her front pads led to an annoying ache. Luckily she wasn't likely to get any blisters.<p>

The Doctor sat across from her and swatted her hands away. She scowled at him and hit his wrists in retaliation, "What do you think you're doing, Doctor?"

"You're doing it wrong," the Doctor again made an attempt to grab her feet, and she kicked him away.

"I think I know how to massage my own feet, thank you very much."

"Oh please, I'm 1108. I'm sure I'm far better at massages than you will ever be," and with that, he grabbed her left foot and pulled it into his lap. He smiled at her, "Honestly, put a little trust into me. You're acting like an idiot."

River scoffed at him while he rubbed her calf muscles as he scolded her playfully, "Now, just relax. This won't hurt a bit. In fact, it'll feel quite good." River sighed and relaxed her legs, watching at the Doctor moved her hands down to the sole of her foot and pressed, really hard, on her arch.

River yelped and kicked out, getting the Doctor in the groin while she flexed her toes. The Doctor doubled over while she screeched at him.

"Why would you do that? Oh my God I am going to have the worst toe cramps. Ahh..!" River rubbed her feet and glared daggers at her husband, who was currently blinking away tears.

"Okay. Perhaps human anatomy and the anatomy of the Grunoghies are different," he wheezed, "but you didn't have to kick me!"

"Oh boo hoo. Just take me back to Stormcage where I can get a nurse to come look at my foot. Why did you press so hard? I'm going to have a bruise! A bruise! On the bottom of my foot!"

"I am never going to be able to walk right again," the Doctor replied, but he looked mostly recovered. The angle River had kicked at had been too severe to cause too much damage.

"Oh, I hate you."

"No you don't. Come on, let's go back to the TARDIS. I think all the police are gone. We'll get you a warm tub to put your footsies in." He grinned and everything was forgiven, despite River's tender foot, as she took his arm. He raised his sonic and found a second door, which led to another back alleyway, and they began their walk.

The TARDIS was very welcoming, with a small tub of warm water for River to put her feet in. Her toes were red from standing and dancing in her heels for so long, and it made the purple nail polish look much less flattering. The Doctor sat next to her as they floated through space, as River had calmed down and asked not to go to Stormcage just yet.

"Really, I'm sorry. I had no idea that the human foot was so fragile. Perhaps I should've known that, considering my own doctorate," the Doctor mused, "My professors were rubbish, though."

River chuckled and leaned against his shoulder, moving her feet back and forth and making small waves. The Doctor took her hand and kissed it, looking straight ahead instead of at her. A light pink highlighted his cheekbones.

"You know, most of my companions aren't the smartest people in the world. They're very young, with not much experience. Then I take them up in the TARDIS, and they see all of these unbelievable things, and go back to their lives like normal. But you, you don't really have much of a life outside of me, do you?" The Doctor gave her a cheeky grin when she pushed on his shoulder.

"No, sweetie, I don't, really. You know, with my doctorate, I could become a professor myself. Teach in a huge lecture hall all day and make more money than I know what to do with. Then my life wouldn't have me revolving around you."

"Oh? Planning on teaching those prison guards how to archaeology? Send them off to find ancient artifacts while you escape your cell with me?"

"Tell me, sweetie. Do you plan on just talking all night about nothing?"

The Doctor cleared his throat and looked at River with wide eyes, who just grinned at him. He smiled and looked at the tub of water, "No. No. We can talk about archaeology some more. Oh wait, I think that's still nothing." He peered up at her.

"Oh, shut up," and she grabbed his tie and pulled him in for a kiss. He grinned against the kiss, his hands wrapping up in her curls. River bit at his lower lip and he heard a low groan, which he was sure was from his own throat. Oh River, she knew him far too well.

He wasn't sure how it happened, how he ended up pinned to the wall of the TARDIS, or how her hands were halfway done with taking his jacket off, but he was A-OK with the whole deal. In fact, perhaps she could do without the powder blue jacket River herself was wearing. They both stopped their kissing for a moment to slip their respective jackets off their arms and onto the floor.

A shower of sparks erupted from under the console, and both of them barely batted an eyelash before going back to their kissing. The Doctor barely registered the eruption of chaos happening just ten feet away from him when River's hands slipped under his braces and edged them over his shoulders. And her blouse was just about to be ripped off when a fuzzy creature ran into their legs.

The Doctor jolted and held River's shoulders when he looked down. River followed his gaze, and they both watched as a cat galloped away from them and back under the console.

"Hey!" The Doctor yelled, jerking forward, bringing his braces back over his shoulders as he ran after the four-legged feline, who was torturing his beloved ship. "Shoo! Shoo! Get out of here!" he yelled, scaring the cat deeper into a jungle of cables.

River leaned back against the wall and laughed, her giggled echoing along the walls of the console room. The Doctor threw her a glare over his shoulder.

"River! What do you think is so funny?"

River shrugged and smiled, still laughing, "Really? The great Doctor, the last Timelord, and he's being cockblocked by an alley cat from New York?"

The Doctor frowned and pointed at River before pointing back at the cat, who was about to bite another cord, "Don't touch that! I'll have you know, there were no cats on Gallifrey, and I loathe cats. Cats bring awful luck." He ducked as another shower of sparks came down, and he yelled at the cat, "She doesn't like that! Stop biting her!"

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><p>The Doctor was loathe to admit it, but after a difficult time of untangling a cat from the ancient wiring and resisting the urge to throw it out into space, River's ribs hurt from laughing so hard, and she wasn't quite in the snogging mood anymore. The cat was deposited in an alley in New York and both River and the Doctor took the time to look around the TARDIS for any other stray animals.<p>

"That was an exciting second date, sweetie. Will there be many more like that?" She smiled, sitting down on her cot. The Doctor just grinned at her.

"Did you have much fun?"

"Yes, I did. Did you?"

"The cat put a damper on things, I'm not sure we'll be going back to New York after that."

"Oh, there's much worse things than cats in New York. For example, a rat the size of a cat."

The Doctor shrugged and threw his sonic screwdriver in the air, letting it spin in a few circles before falling into his hand, "You're much too picky. Rats are much easier to communicate with than cats."

River laughed and the Doctor felt almost embarrassed, so he began to step back inside the TARDIS.

"No, you be a good girl, River. If you're lucky, we can get you out of here in only 10,000 consecutive life sentences."

River winked, "Oh, what's the fun in that?"

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><p>Make sure to review! More reviews = quicker chapters! Thanks for reading!<p> 


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